The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations
Mary Schaller, John Crilly

Chapter 1

The Heart and Habits of Jesus

DISCOVER

1. What is your definition of discipleship? When do you think it starts?

2. Have you ever been involved in making a new disciple of Christ? If so, what did you find to be the most effective method?

3. How did you become a follower of Jesus? If you are not a Christ follower, what would be the most attractive way to explore the possibility?

PRACTICE

1. Think about people you see on a regular basis at work, in your neighborhood, or wherever you spend time each week. Ask God to show you the person with whom he would like you to have a meaningful conversation about him, and write down a few names. We’ll come back to this list in some future chapters.

2. Try using an asking approach rather than a telling approach in a conversation this week where there are differences of opinion. How did it work out?

 

 

The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations
Mary Schaller, John Crilly

Chapter 2

Rediscovering Nine Relational Practices of Jesus

DISCOVER

1. Describe a time when you had a spiritual conversation with someone who believed differently. Did it go well? Why or why not?

2. What do you think is scarce in today’s culture that people are thirsty for?

PRACTICE

1. Take a minute to perform your own quick Spiritual Conversation Assessment below. Rate your level of effectiveness with each of the 9 Arts on a scale of 1–5 (5 = totally satisfied, 1 = not satisfied at all). There’s no passing grade here! The aim is to help you get an idea of where your strengths lie and where you might need to focus some attention.

___ Noticing those around me and paying close attention to what God might be doing in their lives.

___ Praying for those I meet in my day-to-day life and asking God to show me what he wants me to do to bless them.

___ Listening with genuine care, interest, and empathy as I interact with others without editorializing or offering my own unsolicited opinions.

___ Asking Questions that arise from genuine curiosity, drawing others out with great questions, seeking to understand more than to be understood.

___ Loving others authentically because I personally know God’s love and see them with his eyes.

___ Welcoming people by valuing their presence so they feel that they belong.

___ Facilitating good discussions in a group setting so that every person feels honored and respected, even when they believe differently than I do.

___ Serving Together, gathering people to serve and know God and each other better through service.

___ Sharing my own story, learning others’ stories, and expressing God’s story of forgiveness through Jesus in a way that is respectful and meaningful.

2. Discuss your assessment with someone. In which practices would you like to improve? (Examples: Notice people more, ask better open-ended questions, listen more empathetically.)

 

 

The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations
Mary Schaller, John Crilly

Chapter 3

The Art of Noticing

DISCOVER

1. How do you recognize when God is up to something in the lives of people around you? How can noticing raise your awareness of God’s activity?

2. What small changes in your day would help you to develop a habit of paying more attention to people?

PRACTICE

1. Commit to spending thirty seconds each day paying attention to people in your ordinary routine and being unusually curious about them. Who can you notice in thirty seconds at school pickup? At the grocery store? In the elevator on your way to work? On the highway in traffic? What do you notice happening inside of you as you pay attention to others?

2. After a few days of paying attention, now commit to spending sixty seconds per day paying attention to and secretly praying for people behind their backs based on what you noticed. Share your experience with a friend and celebrate that you made the attempt! 

 

 

The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations
Mary Schaller, John Crilly

Chapter 4

The Art of Praying

DISCOVER

1. Why do you think we commonly forget to pray for someone before we start talking with them about God?

2. Describe a time when you were moved to pray for an unbelieving family member, friend, or stranger. What caused you to start praying? How has prayer changed the way you relate to that person?

PRACTICE

1. Pull out the list of names you put together at the end of chapter 1—people you feel God might be calling you to engage with in meaningful conversations. Set a challenging but attainable goal to pray at a consistent time for these people who don’t have a relationship with God. Share your list with at least one other person who can encourage you, pray alongside you, and hold you accountable.

2. Over the next week, commit at least five minutes each day to ask God three questions about someone on your list: Where are you already at work in this person’s life? What does he or she need right now? How can I invite this person to experience Jesus in a fresh way? 

 

 

The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations
Mary Schaller, John Crilly

Chapter 5

The Art of Listening

DISCOVER

1. Would those who know you well call you a good listener? Why or why not?

2. Why do you think it is hard for us to refrain from giving advice or from having an agenda when we talk with someone?

PRACTICE

1. Refrain from giving advice for a week. Then think about what it was like to listen and participate in a conversation without offering any suggestions about what others should do. What was their response?

2. Take a sixty-second survey with three people to practice genuine listening as you ask four questions. The point is to listen and value someone’s opinion, not editorialize. Say thank you and let them go without responding.

What is the difference between spirituality and religion?

Which spiritual person do you most admire?

What would you say to Christians if they would listen?

Has anyone ever tried to “save” you?



 

The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations
Mary Schaller, John Crilly

Chapter 6

The Art of Asking Questions

DISCOVER

1. Can you recall a time when someone was sincerely curious about your life? How did you know? How did it make you feel? What was your response?

2. What do you think hinders us from being curious about others?

PRACTICE

1. Keep a log of good questions you hear this week. What made them good questions? What are some of the not-so-good questions you heard?

2. Think of three questions that might open up a spiritual conversation with someone in a natural way. Try asking those questions of someone on your list of people with whom you think God may be calling you to engage. How did it turn out?



 

The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations
Mary Schaller, John Crilly

Chapter 7

The Art of Loving

DISCOVER

1. How have you viewed the relationship between the Great Commandment (to love God and love others) and the Great Commission (to go and make disciples)? What new insights do you have now?

2. Now that you’ve been reminded of God’s love for you, what would you like to change in your life to make loving God and loving others a higher priority?

PRACTICE

1. Think of people in your life who are like you, who are less fortunate than you, who are more fortunate than you, and who are more like enemies. Plan to do something this week that will bless (not judge) a person from each of these categories.

2. Think about someone you know (maybe from the list you developed in chapter 1) who is hurting right now. Consider how you could reach out to that person using one of the five practical ways described in this chapter.

 

 

The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations
Mary Schaller, John Crilly

Chapter 8

The Art of Welcoming

DISCOVER

1. How has Jesus extended his welcome to you in tangible ways? What impact has this had on your life?

2. What simple, doable welcoming practice fits your personality? How can you incorporate that into your everyday life?

PRACTICE

1. In the next few days, practice welcoming through one of the four aspects: your face, your space, your place, and your grace.

2. Review the list of people you developed in chapter 1 and choose someone from it who is different from you. How have you considered yourself superior to this person in your heart or with your words? Take a moment to surrender your conclusions to God, asking him to forgive you and to show you how you can be more welcoming. Act on that insight and pray for that person in the upcoming weeks

 

The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations
Mary Schaller, John Crilly

Chapter 9

The Art of Facilitating

DISCOVER

1. What are the major benefits of facilitating a discussion rather coming across as an expert or teacher? What are the challenges?

2. Why do you think facilitating a spiritual conversation group with a team of two to four Christians is more effective than facilitating alone?

PRACTICE

1. Try facilitating a group discussion with two to five people you already know on a topic where there is a diversity of opinion. Your goal is to get everyone talking and respectfully engaged. What did you learn?

2. Ask some of your friends how they learn best: through listening or discussion. Did you notice a difference in response from your Christians friends and those who are not believers? Why do you think that is the case?

 

 

The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations
Mary Schaller, John Crilly

Chapter 10

The Art of Serving Together

DISCOVER

1. How might the act of serving together have helped Jesus’ disciples come to the right conclusion about who he was?

2. What’s the most fruitful act of service you have ever been a part of? What made it rewarding? What did it teach you about God?

PRACTICE

1. In the next few weeks, identify a need in your own community, neighborhood, or workplace that people you know can meet. Pray for one or two Christians to join you, and pray for God to show you a few people who believe differently, who could help too.

2. What impact did meeting the need have on those relationships? On your own faith?

 

 

The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations
Mary Schaller, John Crilly

Chapter 11

The Art of Sharing

DISCOVER

1. What is the biggest obstacle for you when sharing God’s story?

2. Why do you think people are afraid to tell their personal stories about becoming a Christ follower?

PRACTICE

1. Get together this week with someone who will role-play with you, and explain God’s story of redemption as you would to a non-believer.

2. Practice sharing your personal faith story with a friend in under two minutes. Ask for feedback on how it was received.

 

 

The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations
Mary Schaller, John Crilly

Chapter 12

Starting a Q Place

DISCOVER

1. Have you ever had the privilege of walking alongside someone on their faith journey? What impact did it have on your own faith?

2. Review your list of people God is calling you to engage with in spiritual conversations. Who would benefit from a small group where they could figure out what they believe about God? Pray about developing a group and inviting those people.

PRACTICE

1. Talk to someone you know who is not a Christian but may be spiritually curious, and ask them what they think of this small-group concept. Would they ever consider becoming a participant? Why or why not?

2. Host a movie night or a book discussion that would prompt some good spiritual discussion with a few good open-ended questions. What went well? What did you find challenging? How might this experience prepare you for starting a Q Place?

 

 

The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations
Mary Schaller, John Crilly

Chapter 13

From Cups of Cold Water to Rivers of Living Water

DISCOVER

1. Which people in your life might be “thirsty” for God?

2. What would be a good next step or “cup of cold water” that you could give to each of them?

PRACTICE

1. Ask God to show you what he wants you to do as a result of reading this book that would get you on a new path of making disciples more like Jesus did?

2. Aim to begin incorporating the 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations into your life every day. Pick one a week and focus on improvement.

3. Keep praying for the list of people you developed in an earlier chapter—the people you believe God may be calling you to engage in spiritual conversations. Consider putting copies of it where you’ll see it each day, such as in your car, on your bathroom mirror, or at your desk. As new relationships form or existing relationships deepen, keep praying about next steps with each of them.

 

Notes