Chapter 1. No Ordinary Beginning

1. Describe the vision you had for your marriage when you got married. How close are you to that vision today?

2. What are your expectations for this book? What do you hope changes for your marriage after reading this book?

3. What comes to mind when you hear the word oneness?

4. Are you more likely to pray, “God, change my spouse,” or “God, change me”? Why?

Chapter 2. No Ordinary Battle

1. Can you recall the very first argument in your marriage? If so, what was it about?

2. Can you remember a “Did God really say . . .” moment that altered the way you looked at your life and your marriage? Why was this moment so influential?

3. As a couple, do you live with an awareness that there is a spiritual battle for your marriage? How do you respond to that battle?

4. Do you feel comfortable praying with your spouse? Why or why not? Would you consider praying with your spouse for the next 30 days?

Chapter 3. No Ordinary Honesty

1. Of the three fears listed, which do you struggle with the most: fear of being exposed, fear of emotional pain, or fear of not being loved? Why do you think you struggle with this?

2. Being fully known is a choice to lower the waterline. What are the icebergs in your marriage that need to rise to the surface?

3. What does the story of King David reveal about unconfessed sin and withholding or distorting truth? About lowered waterlines and repentance? In what ways do you see yourself or your marriage in David’s story?

4. What are some ways you need to rely on God to give you the marriage you’ve always wanted?

Chapter 4. No Ordinary Journey

1. Messiah complex or reverse messiah complex: Which best describes your role in your marriage?

2. Are you a scorekeeper? If so, what specific areas in your relationship do you tend to keep score of?

3. What conditions and expectations are there in your marriage? Are they reasonable?

4. What was a time your marriage faced “the Dip”? Did you embrace it or avoid it? How might your marriage be different if you had taken another path?

Chapter 5. No Ordinary Contract

1. Which best describes your marriage relationship: covenant or contract? In what way(s) does this description fit?

2. What role does discontentment have in your life and marriage?

3. In what areas do you feel entitled in your marriage? How does this sense of entitlement reveal itself?

4. What steps can you take to make your marriage more covenant than contract?

Chapter 6. No Ordinary Crossroads

1. What potential did you see for your marriage while you and your spouse were still dating? What potential, if any, feels lost at this time in your life/marriage? Why is that so?

2. Is there a crossroads you are facing? What has been your process of deciding which path to take?

3. Samson’s bad decisions incrementally destroyed his potential. Have you noticed this trend in your own life? If so, explain.

4. See, want, get was Samson’s Achilles’ heel. In what area of your life do you live out this pattern? What has been the result?

Chapter 7. No Ordinary Dependence

1. What are some situations that have caused you to depend on God in your marriage? What has been the outcome of that dependence?

2. When you’re not on the same page with your spouse, are you tempted to withhold truth? If so, what prompts you to do this? Why?

3. Do you feel pressure to make up for mistakes made in your marriage? Why or why not?

4. How have you seen the idea of “they also” apply to your life or marriage? Have you been brought through this “they also” season? If so, how? If not, how might you be?

Chapter 8. No Ordinary Confession

1. Is there anything that you need to confess to your spouse? Take some time to pray, asking God to examine your heart.

2. What are your natural coping mechanisms? How did these mechanisms develop? How might your spouse view these coping mechanisms?

3. What role does resentment play in your marriage? If any, how did that resentment come about?

4. What are the costs of choosing brokenness in your marriage? What are the benefits? Have you chosen brokenness? Why or why not?

Chapter 9. No Ordinary Forgiveness

1. What wounds in your life have a tendency to keep you in the cycle of unforgiveness? Why?

2. Think about the difference between forgiveness and trust. Have you confused the two in your relationships? How can you maintain the distinction between them?

3. Is there someone in your life you have forgiven conditionally? Why have you attached conditions to your forgiveness?

4. In the cycle of forgiveness it’s hard to recognize when and how to move on. Where do you find yourself in the cycle?

Chapter 10. No Ordinary Healing
1. Read Lamentations 3:16. When was a time God broke your teeth against gravel? What did he teach you during that time?

2. Did the description of “the impostor” resonate with you? If so, in what way(s)?

3. Why is it important for a person to forgive her- or himself? Why do you imagine self-forgiveness is so hard?

4. What is the difference between incremental and transformational change? Why do you think couples settle for incremental instead of transformational change? Have you ever done this? Explain.

Chapter 11. No Ordinary Sex
1. Before you got married, what role did you believe sexual intimacy played in a marriage? In what ways was your belief right or wrong?

2. What do you feel are the greatest barriers to sexual intimacy in your marriage? Why do these barriers exist?

3. On a scale of 1 to 10, how well do you understand your spouse in this area? What questions do you have for your spouse?

4. Surrender is a beautiful but scary word to embrace. What do you need to surrender in order to fully embrace the role God intended for sexual intimacy in your marriage relationship?

Chapter 12. No Ordinary Marriage

1. Have you ever had God call you out of a place of comfort and into a place of risk? How did you react?

2. Do you see your marriage story as something God could use to bring hope to others? Why or why not?

3. In order to begin an extraordinary marriage, you will have to ask God daily to lead you out of the ordinary you are tempted to settle for. Moving forward, what will you refuse to settle for?

4. God’s vision for your marriage is oneness. What will you do today to pursue oneness with your spouse?